Hi Caroline, thanks for sharing such an honest, loving, and vulnerable post. Lots of important insights to mull over. How beautiful that you’ve all made this decision and things are falling into place.
Caroline, this was an incredibly powerful piece. I copied your three questions, because I think it could be applied to lots of situations. And I want to give you kudos for really thinking through all the possibilities. I think most of us approach these major life decisions from a sort of "either or" or black and white perspective. That you and your parents were willing to go outside the box is a more creative and powerful solution.
Thank you, Kristi. I'm still feeling emotional about the situation, to be honest - it's come about so quickly and we're still processing the implications. But I know in my heart that it's the right decision, despite the upheaval (hopefully shortish term) it will cause for everyone. The most important part is that it should be my parents' decision too.
PS - You're right, the 3 questions work in almost any situation to help us get unstuck and engage our solution-focused minds.
So sorry to hear this about your parents and yet thank you for sharing it all so vulnerably. This is a hugely important post which so many need to read.
Thank you, I may take you up on that! By the way I'll be up north for a writing retreat in July and would love to pop in afterwards, if you're around? It would be some time between 26th and 29th July. xx
Thank you for sharing this Caroline. I look back and see that one of the difficulties I faced was that I didn’t actually make a decision, just tried to keep doing everything, as everything got bigger and bigger. How I wish I’d had your 3 most important questions back then!
If I may make one observation: contracted live in carers usually have 3 hours a day off, for themselves and one full day per week. As a family member, we didn’t think to do this because at the beginning it was easy to have my own time. Later it was much harder and my mum was fully mobile and it seemed that she could easily beat Keely Hodgkinson in an 800m race down the street and be on a bus before I knew she’d gone. It may be good, either now or in the future, to have paid care as well as you there. You’ll need your own time too.
Sending all best wishes for the decisions ahead, and discussions with siblings 💛
Oh gosh, yes, we could so easily have gone down the same route of keeping on keeping on. My Mum getting so ill so quickly showed made us face the reality that waiting for an emergency to strike isn't a helpful strategy, and not the ideal time to make huge decisions.
Bless you for your brilliant advice 🥰 I'm going into this thinking almost as much about me as I'm thinking about my folks - that's the only way we can make this work in a healthy way. My initial thinking is that I'll ask my brother to come for one week every three months to take over or share duties, plus a three-week stretch once a year so that I can go away. We'll certainly sort out daily respite care if we get to a stage where Mum and Dad can't be alone, but luckily we're not there yet and I hope we won't be for a while. It's still fine for me to go for a daily walk, or shopping or out for lunch with friends. Thank you 💖
Thank you for sharing your story, it resonates deeply. I’m the single ‘no ties’ woman with three older brothers. I cared for my Dad when he was terminally ill 20 years ago. When I visit my mum and stepdad now, I see their vulnerability and it worries me. Mum does everything and when she was seriously unwell I had to step in - I could then as I hadn’t started house sitting. I suspect I will be journeying through a very similar conflict in the next few years!
Sending you much love for your upcoming move and all it entails 💛✨
Thank you for reading and sharing your experiences, Jen. You've been in the heart of this situation. We have so many parallels in our lives. Enjoy every second of your travels and those sweet kitties. 💖🐾
Thank you. I built this simple question set after years of observing, as a mindset trainer, how humans react to a huge variety of life situations, and how we get in our own way. We use them pretty much every month in our live mindset training sessions too. They always help me understand how I'm disturbing myself and how to find a way through any situation. It's a surprisingly powerful process.
Hi Caroline, thanks for sharing such an honest, loving, and vulnerable post. Lots of important insights to mull over. How beautiful that you’ve all made this decision and things are falling into place.
We're all a little stunned, Alisoun. Thank you. I hope you're thriving. x
Caroline, this was an incredibly powerful piece. I copied your three questions, because I think it could be applied to lots of situations. And I want to give you kudos for really thinking through all the possibilities. I think most of us approach these major life decisions from a sort of "either or" or black and white perspective. That you and your parents were willing to go outside the box is a more creative and powerful solution.
Thank you, Kristi. I'm still feeling emotional about the situation, to be honest - it's come about so quickly and we're still processing the implications. But I know in my heart that it's the right decision, despite the upheaval (hopefully shortish term) it will cause for everyone. The most important part is that it should be my parents' decision too.
PS - You're right, the 3 questions work in almost any situation to help us get unstuck and engage our solution-focused minds.
So sorry to hear this about your parents and yet thank you for sharing it all so vulnerably. This is a hugely important post which so many need to read.
Thank you, Jane. There's so much to think about and process. I'm very lucky that they're well enough to be part of making this choice. xx
If you want ever to talk anything through with me, or just need a sounding board, let me know.
Thank you, I may take you up on that! By the way I'll be up north for a writing retreat in July and would love to pop in afterwards, if you're around? It would be some time between 26th and 29th July. xx
At the moment we are around. And it would be so lovely to meet up. Let me know nearer the time x
Will do, Jane. xx
Thank you for sharing this Caroline. I look back and see that one of the difficulties I faced was that I didn’t actually make a decision, just tried to keep doing everything, as everything got bigger and bigger. How I wish I’d had your 3 most important questions back then!
If I may make one observation: contracted live in carers usually have 3 hours a day off, for themselves and one full day per week. As a family member, we didn’t think to do this because at the beginning it was easy to have my own time. Later it was much harder and my mum was fully mobile and it seemed that she could easily beat Keely Hodgkinson in an 800m race down the street and be on a bus before I knew she’d gone. It may be good, either now or in the future, to have paid care as well as you there. You’ll need your own time too.
Sending all best wishes for the decisions ahead, and discussions with siblings 💛
Oh gosh, yes, we could so easily have gone down the same route of keeping on keeping on. My Mum getting so ill so quickly showed made us face the reality that waiting for an emergency to strike isn't a helpful strategy, and not the ideal time to make huge decisions.
Bless you for your brilliant advice 🥰 I'm going into this thinking almost as much about me as I'm thinking about my folks - that's the only way we can make this work in a healthy way. My initial thinking is that I'll ask my brother to come for one week every three months to take over or share duties, plus a three-week stretch once a year so that I can go away. We'll certainly sort out daily respite care if we get to a stage where Mum and Dad can't be alone, but luckily we're not there yet and I hope we won't be for a while. It's still fine for me to go for a daily walk, or shopping or out for lunch with friends. Thank you 💖
Thank you for sharing your story, it resonates deeply. I’m the single ‘no ties’ woman with three older brothers. I cared for my Dad when he was terminally ill 20 years ago. When I visit my mum and stepdad now, I see their vulnerability and it worries me. Mum does everything and when she was seriously unwell I had to step in - I could then as I hadn’t started house sitting. I suspect I will be journeying through a very similar conflict in the next few years!
Sending you much love for your upcoming move and all it entails 💛✨
Thank you for reading and sharing your experiences, Jen. You've been in the heart of this situation. We have so many parallels in our lives. Enjoy every second of your travels and those sweet kitties. 💖🐾
Very interesting questions to ask yourself.
Thank you. I built this simple question set after years of observing, as a mindset trainer, how humans react to a huge variety of life situations, and how we get in our own way. We use them pretty much every month in our live mindset training sessions too. They always help me understand how I'm disturbing myself and how to find a way through any situation. It's a surprisingly powerful process.