Wonderful article, Caroline. I wish I'd read it 25 years ago when a disastrous affair with a man who left for Spain left me pining for far too many years, but at the same time, ruminating with regret and guilt about what I'd done in nearly wrecking my family and marriage......
That longing and despair can be so all-enveloping, Sue. Thank you for reading and sharing this experience. I wish I'd known these things too. We don't really see how we're doing it to ourselves.
Caroline, this entered my inbox at the perfect moment. (A moment just prior to opening up a love neural pathway that I have spent the past 10 months in tears and heartbreak grieving). To give you some context, I was in a relationship for 7 years, we were engaged to be married, but as you said in your own story, we had broken up and gotten back together, and kept trying to make the impossible work, for most of those 7 years. It is the right thing that we aren’t together, but damn it, it hurts like hell. I’ve seen him once by accident, and once on purpose a few months ago in the past year, and both times ended with me sobbing uncontrollably in my car, and re-set my healing time back to the start line all over again.
Since then I have distanced myself. I have fought with myself when wanting to text him or see him. But yesterday, I got the most amazing news, and the first person I wanted to share it with was him. I was going to text him today, to make a plan to meet up, to tell him the news in person.
Reading your substack this morning caught me just in time. You made me realize that if I did that, that love neural pathway would be opened up all over again, and this meeting would end up with me sobbing uncontrollably in my car all over again, and would open up a wound that is desperately trying to heal.
Soooooo THANK YOU for saving me from sobbing in my car all over again. I’m still in pain, still grieving, but I have been healing slowly, and I would’ve undone all of that.
Oh Kim. This is why I do what I do and why I write these articles each week. Thank you so much for sharing this with us and a huge well done for holding back on getting in touch with him. I never usually say "I feel your pain", because we can't truly know what others are feeling, but in this case I think I can truthfully say I understand some of what you're going through. Bon courage – it will get better. Congratulations on your good news. x
Really clear article, Caroline, and I do appreciate your willingness to share your own experience, which makes it come so alive. Particularly the end bit re Friends Reunited - fascinating! And the tips on how to let go are so useful too. Thanks a lot!
Thanks for reading, and for your kind comments, Jane. I've never talked publicly about this and it was a bit of a vulnerable share (and a tender revisit), but relating lessons learned from real-life experiences can, as you say, bring a topic to life. The original version was much longer and then I edited out what no-one else needs to see.
Thank you for your post and your vulnerability Caroline. Very close to home for more words; will hang on to your techniques. 💝🤗
Bless you, Maria, this was quite a hard share for me but a long time coming. Thank you for restacking it. x
Wonderful article, Caroline. I wish I'd read it 25 years ago when a disastrous affair with a man who left for Spain left me pining for far too many years, but at the same time, ruminating with regret and guilt about what I'd done in nearly wrecking my family and marriage......
That longing and despair can be so all-enveloping, Sue. Thank you for reading and sharing this experience. I wish I'd known these things too. We don't really see how we're doing it to ourselves.
Caroline, this entered my inbox at the perfect moment. (A moment just prior to opening up a love neural pathway that I have spent the past 10 months in tears and heartbreak grieving). To give you some context, I was in a relationship for 7 years, we were engaged to be married, but as you said in your own story, we had broken up and gotten back together, and kept trying to make the impossible work, for most of those 7 years. It is the right thing that we aren’t together, but damn it, it hurts like hell. I’ve seen him once by accident, and once on purpose a few months ago in the past year, and both times ended with me sobbing uncontrollably in my car, and re-set my healing time back to the start line all over again.
Since then I have distanced myself. I have fought with myself when wanting to text him or see him. But yesterday, I got the most amazing news, and the first person I wanted to share it with was him. I was going to text him today, to make a plan to meet up, to tell him the news in person.
Reading your substack this morning caught me just in time. You made me realize that if I did that, that love neural pathway would be opened up all over again, and this meeting would end up with me sobbing uncontrollably in my car all over again, and would open up a wound that is desperately trying to heal.
Soooooo THANK YOU for saving me from sobbing in my car all over again. I’m still in pain, still grieving, but I have been healing slowly, and I would’ve undone all of that.
With my immense thanks,
Kim
Oh Kim. This is why I do what I do and why I write these articles each week. Thank you so much for sharing this with us and a huge well done for holding back on getting in touch with him. I never usually say "I feel your pain", because we can't truly know what others are feeling, but in this case I think I can truthfully say I understand some of what you're going through. Bon courage – it will get better. Congratulations on your good news. x
Really clear article, Caroline, and I do appreciate your willingness to share your own experience, which makes it come so alive. Particularly the end bit re Friends Reunited - fascinating! And the tips on how to let go are so useful too. Thanks a lot!
Thanks for reading, and for your kind comments, Jane. I've never talked publicly about this and it was a bit of a vulnerable share (and a tender revisit), but relating lessons learned from real-life experiences can, as you say, bring a topic to life. The original version was much longer and then I edited out what no-one else needs to see.