Real Change Starts With the Courage to Face the Truth
Self-awareness begins with honesty – and from there, change becomes possible.
Hi and welcome to another free post from ‘Something More’. I’m Caroline Ferguson, mindset trainer, speaker, therapist and your companion on this wander through mindset, self-awareness and what ‘a life that matters’ might look like. My beautiful community of paying subscribers receive extra articles, a monthly group-coaching session and my deepest gratitude.
This has been a year of profound reordering of my world.
I’ve mentioned quite a bit in these articles how, in March of this year, it became clear that my elderly, increasingly frail parents needed immediate support if they were to continue living independently, which they strongly wished to do. I had, perhaps naively, believed we were a year out from that need.
The most practical solution for our family was for me to end my cherished nomadic lifestyle, cancel all future plans and move in with my folks as their carer, with immediate effect.
To be honest, it’s a duty that had been occupying my head-space for several years, with varying degrees of resistance, pissed-offedness that there was little alternative (and that it should be down to the daughter to manage, not the sons), and fear of the impact such a responsibility would have on my life.
When it came down to the wire, I realised:
Technically I had a choice on whether to accept the role of carer, but morally I didn’t. I love my folks very much and they’re not ready for residential care.
To be able to show up with good grace and stay mentally and emotionally healthy, I would need to rewrite my old beliefs about feeling cornered and powerless and make this my choice.
I would need to find a way to invest that choice with joy and hope and gratitude.
Oof, it’s certainly been a challenge. I managed #2 but I’ll admit #3 is still a work in progress, though I’m getting there. Not for the first time, I’m thankful for the knowledge and tools I gained as a therapist and coach.
This isn’t the first time my life has pivoted around a moment.
For many people there comes a point when we have to acknowledge that the life we’ve built – our routines, habits and the roles we’re playing – feels constricting. What once seemed to fit us reasonably well now rubs at the edges.
Our dissatisfaction may show up as restlessness that won’t go away, or a consistently short fuse, or in the quiet exhaustion of pretending everything’s fine.
Some live for a long time with the realisation that things need to change. For others it erupts suddenly – in my case on a train journey, 15 years ago, when a person died under the wheels of the carriage I was travelling in. That was the catalyst for me going back to college to train as a cognitive behavioural hypnotherapist a few months later.
We owe it to ourselves not to ignore signs that something deeper is calling for our attention.
The idea of confronting your discontent can be daunting: it’s hard to admit that you don’t entirely like where you’ve ended up – especially when you’ve spent years, even decades, building this career, this relationship or this home.
Your mind may bombard you with accusatory questions like:
How dare I yearn for a different life?
Who am I to long for fulfilment, or a partner who pays attention to me?
What right do I have to disrupt everything to explore desires I may not even fully understand?
Only when we face the truth of who we can no longer BE will we make space for who we can BECOME.
The need for change doesn’t always announce itself.
It may begin as a quiet discomfort – a flicker of knowing that something’s not right anymore. Maybe it’s a habit or a relationship that drains you, or a sense that you’ve been treading water instead of moving forward.
And sometimes it arrives via a realisation that you’ve been funnelled down a path that’s not of your choosing, and you need to make it your choice.
That uneasy feeling isn’t failure; it’s information. It’s life tapping you on the shoulder, inviting you to pay attention.
Whether you’re thinking about shedding the life you’ve built, or, like me, your life has been reshaped by the needs of others, it’s time to confront your fears and desires and explore what you can do differently.
Here are some of the methods I’ve been using to rewrite my stories around this life change:
1. Make space for deliberate reflection
Most of us are moving too fast to hear ourselves think. Reflection is how we press pause long enough to notice where we are and whether it still fits. It’s not about judgment – it’s about awareness and honesty.
When you take time to deliberately reflect on where you are, how you got there, where you’re heading, and how you feel about it, you start to see your life with new clarity: what energises you, what depletes you and what’s quietly asking for change.
2. Have the courage to confront what’s not working
It’s never easy to face up to who we’ve become. It takes bravery and telling the truth – first to yourself, and then, if necessary, to others.
You might recognise:
Relationships that keep you in the shadows instead of helping you shine.
Work that depletes you or no longer aligns with who you are.
Lack of space for creativity and joy, so you feel numb, bored or jaded.
Talents and strengths going unused instead of helping you make a difference.
Lack of community and real connection, leaving you unseen and unsupported.
Giving value but rarely receiving it back via thanks, love, fair pay or fulfilment
A slow drift into stagnation, meaning you feel stuck and bereft of possibility.
If we’re courageous enough to push back, we can reclaim some of the energy that’s been tied up in tolerating the status quo.
3. Make change happen
Big change doesn’t have to mean big disruption all at once. The most powerful transformations begin with small, consistent actions; with telling yourself, as I did earlier this year, I’m choosing something different now.
It might take one honest conversation, or several. Or saying no to something (or someone) that drains you. Or carving out ten quiet minutes each morning to reconnect with your thoughts. Or creating a beautiful space for yourself (I adore my new bedroom). Or enrolling on a course. Or finding a group who love doing what you love. Or making a regular, non-negotiable date with a beach, mountain or wild green space.
Step by step, you’ll notice the landscape being redrawn – not through force, but through choosing yourself and realigning with what matters to you.
4. Grow your self-awareness and self-leadership
Self-awareness is the ultimate life skill and the foundation of all change. It involves:
Truly knowing yourself and noticing what’s happening within.
Noticing and being able to edit your patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving.
Recognising your strengths and vulnerabilities.
Understanding how the world really sees you.
Self-leadership grows from self-awareness. My favourite definition comes from Andrew Bryant’s and Ana Kazan’s book, Self Leadership:
“Having a developed sense of who you are, what you can do, where you are going, coupled with the ability to influence your communication, emotions and behaviour on the way to getting there.”
When you develop both healthy self-awareness and self-leadership, you stop waiting for the right time to change. You give yourself permission to make choices and take action. To quote Hugh Laurie:
“It’s a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you’re ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now.”
You’re ready, I promise.
5. There will be casualties – and that’s okay
Every meaningful change asks something of us. You may outgrow beliefs, roles, habits or relationships that once felt safe. That can be painful but it’s also proof of growth, which doesn’t ask for perfection – only honesty, courage and small, steady steps forward.
In choosing to leave behind parts of your old life, you’re not losing yourself – you’re reshaping what no longer fits and creating space for something truer to emerge.
6. What if you can’t change the situation?
Some of us aren’t able to change our lives, due to family responsibilities, ties, lack of resources, and so on. So what can we do in situations where, looking ahead, we just see more of what feels like an endless stretch of sameness? Where it doesn’t feel like there’s any hope of change being possible for us?
One of the most important things I learned in my therapy training is that change is ALWAYS possible. Because even when we can’t alter the situation, we can change how we think and feel about it, and how we approach it. When we change the story we’re telling ourselves, we change everything, including how we show up in the situation. We can make it our choice, rather than our burden.
Have a read of this article to learn my simple but incredibly useful set of 3 empowering questions that will help you regain control of yourself in just a couple of minutes when you feel lost or hopeless.
It’s vital that we also explore every avenue to make sure we’re supported in every way possible. Look for local organisations, groups and charities that can provide occasional respite care, someone to talk to who understands, or opportunities for friendship, creativity and a break from your responsibilities. Especially for this tribe, I’m sending love from my heart to yours.
So take a moment now and ask yourself, with kindness:
Who am I no longer willing to be?
What’s the first small step I’m ready to take toward who I’m becoming?
I’d love it if you’d let me know in the comments how you get on with these questions, and what others you might ask yourself on the road to change, whether big or small.
That’s all for today. Until next time, take care,
I love these reflections on change Caroline! Hoping for as much clarity and confidence as possible in this season!