A (Re)introduction and a Tip to Help You Form a New Habit

Plus my first every audio recording on Substack! Try listening rather than reading.

The thistle, Scotland’s national flower. Photo by 360ber on Depositphotos

Hi and welcome to another free post from ‘Something More’. I’m Caroline Ferguson, mindset trainer, speaker, therapist and your companion on this wander through mindset, self-leadership and what ‘a life that matters’ might look like – with the odd story thrown in.
Looks like today’s a story day, but there’s always a mindset tip in there somewhere.

Ahhhh…

First some lovely news. I’ve been following the agonies of a family on the island of North Uist in the Outer Hebrides, whose beloved dogs, Jess (working collie) and Ruby (fox red lab) went missing 12 days ago. After extensive searches by humans and drones, it was assumed the dogs had been stolen and spirited off the island by ferry.

Well I just heard that the errant twosome have been found, alive and well, on a North Uist hillside. Sounds like they’ve had a fair old adventure. The owner reported, “They’re enjoying a nice shower at granny’s”, which made me smile a lot.

Time for a Reintroduction

I’ve been Substacking for over a year now and don’t think I’ve introduced myself since the very early days, when most of my subscribers were people I’d either had a drink with, or who’d given birth to me. There are a few more of you lovely folk now, mostly delightful strangers – hurrah! So here goes.

Who am I?

I’m a cognitive behavioural hypnotherapist and mindset trainer with an appetite for helping others (and myself) learn to think in healthy, flexible, self accepting ways. I’m also a daughter, sister and friend.

The age on my passport says 62 but how can that be possible? Inside, I bounce between 8½ (an excellent age), 32 (not quite so marvellous) and where I am now (mostly magnificent).

I’ve embraced silveriness this year and rather like it, though still have moments where I catch my reflection in a window and think, ‘who’s that auld wifey?’

Auld wifey or platinum brunette?

Here’s my life in a few chapters:

The child stage

My Dad was in the Foreign Office so my brothers and I were lucky enough to grow up all over the world. The downside to diplomatic life is the fact that kids get packed off to boarding school as soon as they can blow their own noses. I was nine when I went (NINE!), and a young-for-her-years, highly-sensitive nine at that. 😢

A couple of upsides to that trauma are that the eight years I spent in a small convent school in Scotland, an hour away from where my Dad grew up, gifted me with lifelong friends and a glorious certainty that my blood runs tartan.

After school, there followed a stint as an au pair in France, which I don’t talk about, and several years at Edinburgh University, which I’m happy to reminisce about until the coos come a’wanderin’ hame.

🍂

The adult stage

After uni I headed south and England became where I lived for the next 35 years, give or take the odd stint in France. I was only ever passing through, though; Scotland remained the home of my heart.

I managed to land a marketing role in London without the faintest idea what marketing was. Speed-learning ensued. Four years into working life, it became clear I was fundamentally unsuited to being employed (the sameness! The politics! The drudgery!), so I decided to become a freelancer before I got found out. This might sound like imposter syndrome but it was actually common sense.

Since the age of 26, I’ve more or less worked for myself, starting with copywriting, then nicheing into more specialised content and employee engagement comms. Occasionally I was tempted by clients’ offers to join their teams but these detours never lasted long (though one did bring some of my most cherished friends).

🍂

The scribbling years

Through it all I’ve been writing. For a while it was screenplays but there’ve been novels, short stories and poetry – and now Something More – too. Some of it attracted interest. Some of it won contests. Some got me an agent. Some even earned me a wee (I mean tiny wee) bit of money. But most of it has gone happily nowhere, other than out of my head and onto the page. I’ll never not do it.

I’ve made some of my closest and dearest friends through scribbling (special shout out to Mel) and co-written with brilliant people. More on that another time.

Inventing stories has consistently been one of my happiest places, balancing out the hundreds of thousands of words I’ve written for organisational projects.

🍂

The ‘there must be something more’ years

I often talk about the deep, yearning, question I lived with for decades. The itch of knowing I was born for something different; something other than what I was doing. I knew there was something more out there for me, but what?

All those feelings resolved in an instant the day I woke up brimming with an understanding that I was going back to college, aged 50, to retrain as a therapist. An understanding that hadn’t even been the faintest whisper of a smidge of an idea the day before. You can read about that here.

🍂

The therapy/mindset years

It’s still a wonder that I get to help people get past their mess so they can live happier, healthier, more satisfying lives. I honestly can think of nothing better, professionally (apart from winning best screenplay Oscar, and maybe not even that). I’ll be forever thankful that life took me down this track.

It’s also been the biggest growth curve. I mention a lot that self-awareness is the greatest life skill we can learn. Only around 15% of humans are innately self-aware and sadly I’m not one of them, though I am proof that you can get better at it. It’s been fascinating finding out who I am and what I truly value, as well as how I’ve been getting in my own way all these years.

The intention behind this growing body of articles on Something More, and the monthly live coaching sessions I do for paying subscribers, is to help us all build that key life skill of self-awareness so we can explore our something more.

🍂

The nomadic years

The short version is that five years ago I decided I wanted an adventure. As a single, child-free person, I didn’t need to take anyone else into account so I sold up, threw my life in storage and started exploring the UK as a house and pet sitter. (The slightly less short version is here.)

My type of gig is looking after rural homes for high-net-worth families, which means I get to stay in some amazing places. It’s been an expanding experience all-round: the properties, the landscape, the animals and, most of all, the freedom of not being tied to one place.

So far I’ve felt no desire to stop moving. I did recently catch myself imagining having a home but there’s no twinge of longing for it yet. I suspect I may have passed the mid-way point and this could be the start of a long, slow return to a solid base.

When the urge to settle arrives, I’ll more than likely return to God’s own country (Scotland, in case of doubt). But then again, you never know what’s around the corner…

🍂

A word about singularity.

I didn’t plan to spend most of my life solo. There have been plenty of adventures along the way and one or two near misses (or “almost hits” as my corporate client refers to them), but nothing has stuck. Sometimes it’s been about timing, but, to be honest, I suspect it’s mostly hopeless choices.

If staying singular is how it pans out, I’m OK with that. I have a full, active life and friends and family whom I love dearly. I haven’t thrown away the idea of finding my Person, though, so if you know a bright, kind, self-aware, healthy, intelligent, humorous, youthful, adventurous, non-clingy pirate king in his third quarter, who’s looking for his pirate queen, I’m happy to chat. (And yes, I do realise this shopping list may explain why I’m still flying solo 😄).

So that’s my life in a nutshell. Of course there’s loads I left out, including creativity, motorbikes, property and other adventures, but these ones here are the pieces that have moved me forward. I’d love to hear which (if any) chime with experiences you’ve been through – please feel free to share them with us.

Last but not least, I promised you a mindset tip

Many of you know I used to be a chronic procrastinator until I found ways that worked to (mostly!) cut that out. Those ways became the basis for my course, ‘Get the darned thing done: How to beat procrastination and become an action taker’.

When we want to change our habits, it helps to have hooks we can hang the desired new behaviours on. Useful wee prompts and reminders to keep us on the right path.

This tip is one of those hooks. It’s all about reminding ourselves to swap unconscious passivity for conscious awareness; exchange distraction for determined action.

It’s a simple formula but can help lay the foundations for positive new habits.

This is a recipe for a new action habit – the key word being RECIPE:

1️⃣ First, write out what behaviour you want to change:

• What are you tired of?

• What do you keep failing at?

• What’s holding you back or keeping you feeling stuck?

• What’s the cost – mentally, emotionally, physically, financially – of staying this way?

2️⃣ Now note the juicy, glowing upside of doing things differently:

• How will it feel when you’ve left the old habit behind and you’re living in a new way?

• How will it feel when you’ve met your creative goal? Or your health and fitness dream? Or your business objective? Or you’re in your dream home or relationship?

• How much satisfaction, relief and pleasure will it add to your life?

3️⃣ Have those details in mind, then read the RECIPE, which is:

• Re = REPETITION – I take regular action. I’m building new routines.

• C = CONSISTENCY – I show up fully, with focus. When I fall, I get back up.

• I = INTENT – I commit with all my heart to deliberate, mindful change.

• Pe = POSITIVE EMOTION – I’m actively excited, eager and full of anticipation. If don’t feel it, I make believe until I literally make a new belief and I DO feel it.

Read the recipe. Read it and read it again, several times every day, until it sinks in and becomes real to you. Read it out loud, with energy and vigour. Read it with gusto! Read it until it becomes part of who you are and what you’re capable of.

Write it on sticky notes or index cards and always have a copy nearby. Tape it to the bathroom mirror. Stick it on the bottom of your monitor or on your laptop. Have a copy in your bag and by your bed. Keep a photo of it on your phone.

4️⃣ Immediately follow this process with a small action towards your goal, just one tiny step. Like go for a short, brisk walk. Make a smoothie. Call a lapsed client. Start compiling an inspiration board. The message this sends your mind is really powerful.

Recap:

1. Write down what you want to change, and all the downsides to staying as you are.

2. Scribble down the benefits of change – really feel what that would be like.

3. Read the RECIPE! Repetition + Consistency + Intent + Positive emotion.

4. Take one small action.

5. Rinse and repeat.

I’d love to hear how you get on. I also hope you’ll like and share this to help others see it if there’s anything you’ve found of interest.

That’s all for this week. Thank you for reading and, as ever, please do share your thoughts, experiences and questions in the comments.

Until next time, take care,

PS - A big thank you to

Hannah Ashe

, who ran a great live training yesterday on using audio on Substack – something I’ve been wanting to try. I suggest you look her up. This is me taking action, Hannah!