Hi and welcome to ‘Something More’. If you’re new here, I’m Caroline Ferguson, mindset trainer, speaker and therapist. Join us as we run through mindset and self-leadership tips that could help you become your “something more”.
During the mindset training session I ran for my community last week, I mentioned a crucially important fact about how our minds work:
Our thoughts shape our experience of life.
I still remember how I felt when I first heard this idea during my therapy training. Sceptical was one way of putting it. How could something as nebulous as our thoughts make such a great impact? Surely it’s what happens to and around us that shapes our actual experience?
To an extent, yes, what happens outside of ourselves does matter. After all, when bad things happen, it’s appropriate to feel bad. But what has a deeper, more lasting, more influential impact on our reality is what we believe about what’s happening. It’s our stories that drive our perceptions, emotions and reactions.
This isn’t a new concept. Epictetus, one of the Stoic Philosophers and a hero of mine, expressed it very simply nearly 2000 years ago:
In other words, we do it to ourselves!
Bear with me here. Imagine ten people with similar life circumstances have unexpectedly been fired from their jobs. Do you think each of those ten would feel the same way about what happened to them?
Highly unlikely.
Each may well initially be shocked at finding out they’re jobless But, while for some it might seem like the end of the world, and they get stuck in feeling inadequate and unable to cope, others might take it as an opportunity to think about what they really want to do, and perhaps come to feel excited at the chance to explore new directions.
What makes the difference is the story they’re telling themselves:
A belief like, “Losing this job is the worst thing in the world — it means I’m a failure. I don’t think I can bear it…” will create an awful, paralysing reality that trashes the person’s resilience and self-worth, and keeps them trapped in anxiety.
Whereas, “I feel blindsided right now. I’m going to take some time to process this and then think about what to do next,” will result in a different experience — one that acknowledges the difficulty of the situation but doesn’t rob the person of agency.
There are an infinite number of stories. How we feel and behave depends on which ones we’re running in our script.
It might not feel like it, but the fact that our thoughts shape our reality is actually great news. If we have the self-awareness to be able to tune into our self-talk, dig out those unconscious stories and observe how they’re making us feel, we’re well on the way to being able to challenge and change the beliefs that aren’t working for us.
That’s why I call self-awareness the number one life skill. Rather inconveniently, only fifteen percent of people are naturally self-aware but luckily it’s a skill we can learn. It’s probably the most important thing I teach.
Your thoughts are so powerful they can literally change what happens in your body.
There’s a famous three-minute exercise called the lemon visualisation that proves this. I included it in last week’s mindset training session and it’s one of my favourites. If you’d like to try it, click the image below to access the recording. I recommend you watch the whole video — it’s only 45 minutes long and you’ll find several useful techniques to help you expand your comfort zone and cope better with difficulty. If you want to skip right to the lemon visualisation, it starts eight minutes in.
Click the pic to access the replay now.
Hurry though, the recording is only available until midnight tonight (Monday 1st April) UK time, which is 7pm EST or 4pm PDT.
Why is the video being taken down on Monday?
I run live group-coaching sessions on different mindset issues each month and the recordings are normally only available to my paying community. I decided to make the March session more widely available to give you a chance to see what mindset training actually involves, and whether it’s something you’d like more of. After Monday, the video will only be available to my community.
If you’re interested in having access to monthly mindset coaching, please note, the rate to become a paying member of Something More is going up from Tuesday — it’s currently only £7 per month or £70 per year. From 5th April that will rise to £12 per month or £80 per year. It’s still excellent value, when you consider that group coaching can cost £150 or more per session.
If you join before Tuesday you’ll only ever pay the lower rate, so if you’d like help with boosting your mindset and upgrading the way you think, feel and behave, consider giving yourself (or someone else who needs it) this gift today.
That’s all for this week. As a reminder, click here to watch the mindset training session and expand your comfort zone. It’s free until Monday night, whether you choose to subscribe or not. If you’re already in my community and haven’t seen it yet, don’t worry, you can watch it any time.
Take care and see you soon,
PS - Remember the lemons! The way you think determines your reality.
Thank you for last week’s session Caroline. As someone who joined the session on Wednesday and promptly subscribed for a year, I’m looking forward to learning a new mindset, particularly around how to just sit with my feelings. When life hands you lemons …