You Know That Feeling When Something's Nagging at the Edge of Your Memory...
Here's a quick ritual that can help you remember, plus the Zoom link for our mindset training session this coming Wednesday.
Whether you’re new to ‘Something More’, or a regular reader, welcome, I’m happy you’re here. Thank you for reading.
Lately I’ve had this feeling of latency.
It starts with a feeling, rather than a knowing.
You know those flickers of awareness that sometimes tease at the edge of your consciousness or your gut that something’s happened, or lies ahead?
It’s an insubstantial feeling, but an evocative one, conjuring up a mood in the same way that inhaling a salty wisp of haar near the coast invokes the sea.
I’ve been feeling this last couple of weeks that I have some unfinished (or unstarted) business to attend to – I just haven’t been able to stand still long enough to work out what it is. It’s not an entirely comfortable place to be.
When these phantom feelings crop up, sometimes we know what’s behind them. Other times we’re left hovering on the limb between our conscious and unconscious minds, vibrating with an odd, pregnant energy that feels like potential waiting to be activated. And not always in a good way: the feeling can be accompanied by a sense of foreboding, or restlessness. Or, if we’re lucky, there’s a delicious sense of anticipation.
I remember times in my late teens/early twenties when I’d bring home a magazine – perhaps Cosmopolitan or NME, later Elle or Marie-Claire. If I wasn’t able to read it straight away, the idea of that mag would fizz in the liminal space between layers of consciousness, popping up occasional sweet bubbles of possibility, until I could find time to cosy down with a coffee on the sofa and revel in reading it. I loved that latent knowing that there was a treat waiting for me.
(And oh, how I miss the anticipatory pleasure of settling in for an indulgent read of something with beautiful photography, printed on quality stock, accompanied by carefully curated words. Apart from Substack, the digital world doesn’t hold a quarter of the allure of a beautifully produced magazine. Note to self, buy one this week and enjoy reading it cover to cover.)
This is my ritual when I want to get a handle on a thing that’s hovering outside my consciousness.
1️⃣ I give myself permission to carve out space to find the source of this feeling, and trust that it will come to me.
Lying in a warm bath one of the best places for me to do this. Unfortunately my folks are shower people and their house doesn’t have a tub, so I make do by letting them know I’m closing my door for a little while. Then I stretch out on the bed, eyes closed, consciously slow my breathing, and say out loud: “I trust my mind to remember this thing that’s haunting me. I know it will come, if not now, then later.”
2️⃣ I connect to what the thing I’ve forgotten is making me feel, emotionally.
Sometimes the more you chase something, the deeper it hides. Try taking a step back.
Imagine a dartboard on the wall 🎯 If you stare intently at the bull’s eye, that’s all you can see. But, if you soften your focus, you can become aware of not just the dartboard but also the wall it’s hanging on.
I start off by asking, “What’s the mood of this thing that’s poking me in the subconscious? How’s it making me feel?” Then I trust my mind to work on the answers while I mentally let go and move to a wider sweep of my inner landscape. When information filters through, and it will, it’s important to trust yourself.
During my reflection today, I realised that this thing that’s eluding me has a spritz of pleasure, floating above stronger undercurrents of obligation and guilt.
3️⃣ Now that I’m able to describe how I’m feeling, I invite my mind to show me what’s hiding behind these perceptions.
Asking questions like these can help:
“Is it about work… home… or a person?”
“Have I made a promise I haven’t delivered on?”
“Have I forgotten about an event… or an object… or a task?”
“Is it about saying thank you… or making amends?”
Sometimes my mind fills in the blanks straight away, and sometimes the realisation takes a little longer to arrive. But it does always come.
This time I understood immediately what was causing the feeling of something unfinished. I won’t go into details but it concerns a fairly major task which, due to a perfect storm of circumstances, I’ve fallen behind on in the past few months.
The pleasure I detected during the emotional exploration lies in the nature of the task – it’s something I love doing. The obligation and guilt relate to believing I’ve let someone down, which feels like a betrayal of honour (one of my top five values).
So what will I do with this understanding of what’s been bothering me? Tomorrow I’ll reach out to the person concerned to apologise for my absence (for help with that, take a look at this article). I’ll atone by asking if we can book in some time to discuss a new schedule for the project in a couple of weeks, when things calm down.
And that was it. A simple, five-minute reflection was enough to turn off the energy tap that’s been running in the background, unconsciously draining my resources and distracting me for the last couple of weeks.
If you’ve been struggling with a nagging feeling that you can’t quite articulate, try the steps above. The same process is also useful if you have a decision to make and you can’t decide between a variety of options. Plus, it’s a great way to find out more about yourself and build greater self-awareness.
Do let me know in the comments how you get on.
Don’t forget, we have our mindset training session for paying subscribers this Wednesday at 8pm UK time, (3pm EDT, 12pm PDT).
This month we’re having an extended ‘ask me anything’ session – much less costly than a therapy session or personal development coaching! The Zoom link is in the PS.
Take care, sending love,
