More Mindset: Why We Didn't Record Our Recent Mindset Training Session
And how to handle the unexpected situations that life throws at us
Hi there from sunny Scotland.
Last week we tried a new thing for our monthly mindset-training session. I advised everyone a few weeks ahead of time that I wouldn’t have the bandwidth to prepare training material for this one. Rather than cancel it, we had an ‘ask me anything’ session.
Well, what a lovely huddle we had. There was so much trust in the room that we were able to share intimate personal experiences with no fear of judgement. Thank you to each of you who took part whole-heartedly for being so candid and offering your gentle wisdom to others. Ladies, you have my love and gratitude.
To safeguard privacy I won’t share a recording, but I’m happy to summarise some of what we discussed and provide an insight or two that you might find useful.
The theme I chose to kick things off was…
How to adjust when life throws difficult things at us.
I started by sharing the experience I’ve mentioned in a couple of articles about being faced with the reality, a couple of months ago, that I need to become a (more or less) full-time carer to my elderly parents. I’d known the possibility of some kind of caring role was on the horizon but I was blind-sided by the speed with which it became apparent that the time is NOW and there are no viable alternatives.
For a few days I was overwhelmed by the thought of the lifestyle changes I have to make, which include tearing up my life map, plus, more immediately, letting down several home-owners I’d contracted to house-sit for.
While my mind and emotions were trying to process the change, I was aware that part of me was detached from the drama and compassionately curious about observing my own responses. This has happened several times in the last few years and am pretty sure it’s a side-effect of building self-awareness. Once you reach a certain point of knowing yourself it’s like the blinkers are permanently off; you can’t unsee your own reality.
I made a decision to let myself feel all of it and not attempt to course-correct or self-therapise in those first few days. I needed to honour the emotions I was feeling, rather than trying to rationalise them away.
What I discovered was that I felt:
helpless and resentful at the perceived lack of choice
anxious about the ramping up of responsibility
grief at forfeiting my independence and giving up a way of life I find truly satisfying
upset that I’d be ‘using up’ my remaining time as a relatively youthful, healthy person (I’m 63 and could be in my 70s when this chapter is over).
Some positives emerged alongside the low feelings: gratitude that I get to spend this precious time with my folks, that I have a secure home, and that I can help them feel safe and comfortable for however long we have together.
What happened next
After a few days I felt calmer and detected the beginnings of an impatience to crawl out of the slump and rearrange my mind. At that point I gave myself permission to self-coach and became my own client (not for the first time).
What I did was: